Quotes

Everything that I post here is quoted from someone else. A piece of advise:
You shouldn't take everything you read on the net seriously... people like me post on the net.

• For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
  
• The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass all the time; the sun or the dog one will move.
• God put me on this Earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die.
• When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.
• Ok, wait a moment here. Hold on. There. Now you see the change was made in real time.
• There's a certain freedom in being totally screwed...
• Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
• One must work hard at procrastination, or something might get done ahead of time.
• It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
• A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
• One person can make a very big difference. Most of the time, in fact, that's the only way very big differences ever get made.
• Power corrupts. Absolute power really turns on the chicks.
• Don't be humble. You're not that great.
• Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
• Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.
• Everyone has write access to your mind.
• When I die, I hope to go the Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.
• If life didn't suck, would you know what was going on?
• sorry about your computer trauma - this is why i work with people- no one expects them to work correctly.
• 'Do what I say, not what I do.' Shall be the whole of the law.
• Human errors can only be avoided if one can avoid the use of humans
• There is no right and wrong. There is only fun, and boring.
• Specialization is for insects.
• They didn't want it good, they wanted it Wednesday.
• Women and cats will do as they please. And men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
• We live in a dangerous Age. To say how you feel is to lay your own grave
• The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds and the pessimist knows it.
• i'll listen to reason when it comes out on CD
• These are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
• You're free to be as much of an asshole as you wish -- as long as I'm not paying for it.
• Hey, he knows the terms. I'm like a porn site. there are benefits and a tour for non-members but for the goodness, you got to join.
• There are two ways to tell a sexy male. The first is that he has a bad memory. I forget the second.
• Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic.
• A layman knows he has to kick it.; An amateur knows where to kick it.; A professional knows how hard.
• Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick it once and you suck forever.
• The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
• I don't care what you know. Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.
• To reduce stress, avoid excitement. Spend more time with your spouse.
• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
• Don't worry about the job you don't like. Someone else will soon have it.
• How you play the game" is for college boys. When you're playing for money, winning is the only thing that counts.
• Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America . If I'm not there, I go to work.
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
• Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
• A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the rear.
• Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
• Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day.
• I understand. You work very hard two days a week and you need a five-day weekend. That's normal.
• Sometimes I get an irresistible urge to work hard like everyone else, but I just lie down until the feeling goes away, and then I'm okay.
• The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office.
• It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• Life is uncertain - eat dessert first
• Why be difficult, when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible
• With friends like you, who needs conspiratorial governments?
• I wasn't looking for 'Mrs. Right', or even 'Mrs. Right Now', but more for 'Mrs. Right Here Buddy'.
• A friend is one who would help you move. A best friend is one who would help you move a body.
• Mixing woomen and alcohol is best done with a blender.
• You should never stand in love's way, especially if love is driving a bus.
• To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password.
• A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
• Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
• When in doubt, use brute force
• If you can't convince them, confuse them.
• Better to let people think you a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
• I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting.
• The difference between a man and a child is the price of their precious toys.
• The biggest trouble maker you will ever meet watches you shave or put makeup on your face in the mirror every morning.
• The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does.